Is everyone ready for some TITS? This week, we are sitting down with the MVP of deserted islands, and I don’t mean Maryanne, it’s Professor!
Hey Professor, welcome to TITS. We’re all excited to have you here today. Let’s start out with an easy question. What do you do for work?
I'm a systems trainer for the customer service division at a sport supply company. If you played sports in high school, we probably sold your school the uniforms. I knew I didn't want to be a teacher after college so now I teach people how to do their job. (Does this mean you can get me some discount team swag?)
Aside from videogames, what hobbies or pastimes do you enjoy?
I like to listen to a lot of music. I'm somewhat of a beer, whiskey, and coffee snob, so I go out of my way to drink specialties of all of those. I also dabble in guitar. (Anyway, here’s Wonderwall)
What is a skill you have that you take pride in?
I've always been pretty comfortable in front of a crowd/audience. I worked for the housing department while I was in college and part of my responsibilities was to get up and give an hour-long presentation to a room of 100 people. That will get you over public speaking very quickly when you're doing it every other week.
Any fun facts about yourself?
Do you care to define fun and facts? (Not really, no)
I have brewed my own batch of beer on a few occasions, and it's something that I'm looking at getting back into in the near future.
How long have you been playing video games and what are some of your earliest memories with games?
I've been playing video games since 5 or 6 years old. My earliest memories are playing through Tony Hawk's Pro Skater on the N64. My GranGran bought me and my sisters the N64 for Christmas in 1999 and also Mario Party and Tony Hawk's Pro Skater. My sisters were "too cool" for video games, and I've never stopped playing since. I'll never forget playing against my sisters and dad and being able to do tricks that they couldn't and when they asked how I was doing them, I would just say "I just am" and "you've got to just know how to do it". I've been a long-time shit talker.
What are your favorite foods, music, movies, shows, etc.?
My favorite food is a nice and simple chicken fried steak with some garlic mashed potatoes. (Solid choice)
Really into Indie Rock music. My favorite band is a little band called Brother Moses that I found through Saint.
Is there any special story or significance to your gamertag?
Not really significance but a silly story. Originally, my name was "ProfessorPoopyButthole" named after a being who worked hard to have a whole department dedicated to Maya Angelou, and I wanted to honor the hard work he did. Eventually I made a joke about "Causing a Wipe" in a raid to which Quiscalusmajor made the funniest joke I've seen in the server which was "that's pretty ironic for a PoopyButthole." So, from there my name changed to ProfessorCAW and eventually I just changed my name to Professor since that is what everyone was calling me. (I think you should bring back the PoopyButthole)
When did you first start playing Destiny, and can you tell us about what drew you to the game?
I've been playing Destiny since vanilla D1. I started playing because a large amount of my friends played. I was also a big fan of the Halo series, so it just made sense. I didn't have an XBOX or PlayStation when I was in college so I would just play on my friends’ accounts, and funnily enough, I played Titan on Saint's account before he did. Let's not forget that Saint was originally a Warlock. (He used to be so much cooler)
What is your favorite/primary class? Why?
Favorite class has to be Warlock because I love throwing flaming swords at people and aliens. I do also love hearing D1 Titans maulding (I do not know what word was intended here) about Warlocks having Twilight Garrison built into their subclass.
Who has the best jump?
Warlock is my preferred jump. I think it's just a pride thing because you have to be good at jumping to use it. (I don’t understand why people think Warlock jump is difficult)
If you could remove any one weapon from the game, which one and why?
Thorn because I remember it from the heyday of D1 when it was actually broken broken, and it's hard to use it when I remember how great it was back then.
If you could design an exotic weapon or armor, what would it be?
Not an exotic, but I'd add a fragment for Void 3.0 that would allow all classes to consume their grenade and they could activate Devour. It would also have to give a -20 Discipline stat.
If you could date any character(s) from Destiny, who and why?
Anastasia Bray because she's a badass who helped build Rasputin so you know she could fuck some shit up if it came to it.
What Destiny characters would you ship together that aren’t already?
Louis and Colonel. I was surprised Jonezii didn't say this to be honest. (Holy shit. How on earth was this not Jonezii’s answer??)
We’ve covered the standard questions, now let’s move on to learning more about the real Professor.
What do you really think of Saint’s podcast?
I think it's really good. I'm lucky enough to get the pre-mixed version every week. Not because he asks me to listen to it early, but because I hear him plan out his scripts with his co-hosts across the apartment.
Does Saint’s cat get good MPG?
Of course she does, but she would have you believe that she's the most abused kitty in the whole wide world. She will happily scream at you if you don't pet her in an appropriate amount of time as well. (Well pet her more damnit)
On a scale of Uldren to Cayde, how good of a roommate is Saint?
Well, he's quiet like Uldren, but he's also a good time like Cayde soooooooo yes.
You’ve had some huge accomplishments completing raids in a three-man group. How does it feel being completely carried by Oblivion and Saint?
I know that I'm here to support the talent.
If you dropped dead while gaming, does Saint have permission to eat your body to stay alive until your body is discovered?
No, but Clover does. (Clover is Saint’s cat. Just wanted to clarify for any confused folks)
What is your favorite picture of Saint?
(Why do I feel like Saint just said "My disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined?)
If pay, work hours, etc., weren’t an issue, what would be your dream job?
I'd like to brew beer or distill bourbon. (Porque no los dos?)
Who do you think is the sexiest admin?
Well, it has to be Disco right? But we're all pretty sexy IMO.
What is the eeriest thing you have ever seen/encountered?
Eeriest encounter has to be camping on some farmland where I grew up and hearing the deer screaming in the night. It can sound very baby-esque if at the right pitch so it will absolutely freak you out when you're in the pitch black of night and you just start to hear what sounds like a baby crying from 100 yards away in every direction. (Can confirm. Deer screams are fucking blood-curdling)
Describe what you were like at age ten.
A hyper competitive little shit. Growing up in a tiny town with two older sisters, your teachers constantly compare you to them, and so that will make you a smidge competitive. (So nothing has changed?)
If you were handed $50,000 in cash and told it had to be used in the next 7 days to take a trip worth writing a book about, where would you go? What would you do?
I'd go on a tour of European Soccer games and stadiums. I'm a pretty avid soccer fan. (Pretty sure they call it football)
Who is the best character on King of the Hill? Defend your reasoning.
Bobby. He's rather progressive for a Texas kid in the 90's 00's and also "That's my purse, I don't know you"
What is the best pie?
I'm a big fan of Coconut Cream Pie and French Silk Pie.
How are you enjoying being an admin for the 4th best T?
You seem to have to try and trash the other Ts a lot. Are you compensating for CT not actually being that great? (Party pooper)
What is your dream vehicle?
1968 Chevy Chevelle SS with a 5.7 L/350 small block. I want it to have tan leather and paint it cherry red. (Strong choice)
If you could meet anyone in the world dead or alive, who would it be and why?
If I HAD to meet anyone, I'd want to meet them alive since they'd probably be a bit more interesting alive than dead.
Tell us two truths and two lies about yourself.
I've been to all 50 US States. I once played Charlie Brown in a school musical. I played on my university Table Tennis team. I already own my dream car.
What made you laugh the hardest you’ve ever laughed in your life?
I don't know, there are several times where I've laughed uncontrollably to the point where I hurt. One thing that comes to mind is when I was a freshman in college, I was at a basketball game and one of the other school’s players hit a wide-open air ball and his coach just screamed "Oh Peterson (players last name)" to which the entire student section started screaming "Oh Peterson" anytime he would touch the ball. Thankfully that player was a freshman so that continued for all 4 years of college to the point where the conference had to change the rules for how close the student section could be to the opponent’s bench. Anytime we were playing Western Kentucky I would be sure to show up to the arena super early to chant at Peterson with my friends. I hope that Peterson is out there now missing open shots and remembering "oh Peterson".
Do you have any phobias?
Not debilitating phobias, but I'm not super fond of clowns. (Anyone that likes clowns should be on a watch list)
Who would win in a fight, you or Pentad?
Me because I would just ban him if things started going south. A win by default is still a win.
Why are you the way that you are?
You know my dad asked me this when I was a kid, and it hurts just as much now as it did back then. (At least I came back after getting smokes)
How many years has being a Manchester United fan taken off of your life?
Not as many as being a Cowboys fan (which I'm also one of those) but less than a Seahawks fan seeing the franchise trade away their only successful QB. (… just … fuck you Professor)
How happy are you to have Ronaldo back from Juventus?
I'd be a liar if I said I wasn't excited about it when it happened, but in hindsight, I wish we would not have brought him back. I don't think it has worked like we expected it to, and this season has been a shit show.
Do you feel compelled to sing “the champions” every time you open a Heineken?
That would require me to drink the European version of Bud Light so I don't open Heineken very often if ever. But yes.
Not nearly enough "Ls" or "Os" Hellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Why are the Glazers the best ownership team in the Prem?
Do you enjoy causing me pain? Have I done something to hurt you that you need some sort of retribution for? (Yes, and yes. Please see your Seahawks comment above)
Do you know your role in raids?
I'm reading this as "Thank you for being the reason we do enough damage to fuck up the bosses" To which I would reply, You're welcome.
I demand city callouts for every raid encounter. You will now translate all symbols from VoD into cities. And go.
Ascendant Plane - Austin
Black Garden - Texarkana, TX
Black Heart - Texarkana, AR
Commune - Brattleboro
Darkness - Minneapolis
Drink - New Orleans
Earth - Houston
Enter - Ellis Island
Fleet - Pensacola
Give - Portland
Grieve - Lawton
Guardian - Chicago
Hive - Asheville
Kill - Baltimore
Knowledge - Cambridge
Light - St. Paul
Love - Philadelphia
Pyramid - Las Vegas
Savathun - Atlanta
Scorn - Shreveport
Stop - Los Angeles
Tower - New York City
Traveler - Dallas
Witness - Washington DC
Worm - Worms
Worship - Abilene
Would you let Sir Alex spit in your mouth?
Probably not because that's kind of disgusting, but I have an incredible amount of respect and awe for that man.
What is your favorite color, and why?
Purple, and no good reason. I just like that color. (It is a great color)
Do you think it’s weird that you know so much about 16–17-year-old European high school guys?
Hey now, I know way too much about 18–19-year-old European men. I know too much about 16–17-year-old European high school aged guys who play for Manchester United, and it's really only like 3 of them right now. (Why don't you have a seat right over there)
If you were a meal, what would you be?
Prime Rib with parm garlic smashed potatoes, roasted carrots, yeast rolls, and some homemade Dr. Pepper ice cream. (And now I’m starving)
What is your personal theory as to how Banditt lost her hand?
She was trapped and the only way out was to nibble off her hand. Basically 127 hours.
Are you coming to Truth Con?
I would like to, but it just depends on what I've got going on with work/family stuff at that time.
Can you share some stories about some of the apparently many times that Saint has gone missing on you?
That's a fancy toaster.
If you could have a well-trained exotic pet of any kind, what would it be?
Does Disco count as exotic? If not, then I'd have you as one. In fact, why not both? (I’m in.)
Is there anything else you would like to tell us about yourself that we haven’t covered yet?
At the end of the day, I'm just a guy who really loves playing Destiny 2 and hanging out with friends, and if you would like to know anything else just ask. I'm a pretty open book when people ask.