Is everyone ready to take a look at our TITS? This week, we are sitting down with the most powerful man on two wheels, the lawyer to the birds (not Harvey Birdman), Corvianking!
Hey Corvian, welcome to TITS. We’re all excited to have you here today. Let’s start out with an easy question. What do you do for work?
Up until recently, as anyone who’s paid any attention to my whining over the last two years will know, I’ve been professionally unemployed. But a few weeks ago, I got hired for my dream job, which I started last Monday. The short version is that I work in municipal government, helping city councilors write laws and researching best practices for particular areas of policy. It’s actually a brand-new position, which means that I have a lot of freedom to decide what my job entails, and my boss is a really awesome person who’s doing everything she can to make sure I get to really exercise that freedom. (Seriously happy for you brother. I’ve run out of things to sacrifice on your behalf)
Aside from videogames, what hobbies or pastimes do you enjoy?
Well, as Garden of Salivation regulars know, I really love baking. I started baking when I was about 6 years old, under my grandmother’s guidance, and made my first batch of cookies entirely unsupervised when I was 11. I tend to stick to simpler stuff and leave the fanciness to more skilled people like Pyro and Champitoba, and my favorite things to make are brownies (from a recipe I developed myself) and pancakes. (I’m still waiting for some sample brownies in the mail…)
I also started riding my bike again at the start of the pandemic and that rapidly turned into an obsession. As some of you may know, I’m actually planning to ride the length of the East Coast in 2023 (gotta save up my vacation time) and it would be really cool to figure out which clanmates are on my route (or not too far off it) to meet up and say hi while I’m riding! (Is Seattle too far?)
Aside from that I collect old books, I write (including some Destiny fanfiction that you can find on Reddit), I love D&D, and I have an absolutely massive Lego collection (something like 70-80lbs of Legos last I checked). Now that I have income again, I’m looking forward to expanding it further.
What is a skill you have that you take pride in?
Making pancakes is the one that springs to mind right away (my response to Kabr’s entry in our competition is coming, I swear), but also, I’m really proud of my ability to put up with Shy. (Putting up with him? But you guys are besties.)
Any fun facts about yourself?
I think every fact about me is fun, but pre-covid I used to hang out relatively regularly with a presidential candidate. (Finger quotes)
How long have you been playing video games and what are some of your earliest memories with games?
I’ve been playing video games for just about my entire life. Some of my earliest memories are of Track & Field, Duck Hunt, and Altered Beast. But the game that guaranteed I’d be a gamer for life was Star Fox 64. I love that game to this day, so much so that I went out and bought an N64 just so I could play it in all its original glory. (Do a barrel roll!)
What are your favorite foods, music, movies, shows, etc.?
Oh man, I’ve been waiting for this. Yer boi loves a good burger more than just about anything else in the world, and I have an incredibly unhealthy fixation on ginger. Well, arguably healthy given how good for you ginger is, but still.
Music? I’ll honestly listen to just about anything. My favorite genre, hands down, is any modern take on an older style. Electro-swing, hip-hop over orchestral music, EDM remixes of funk, jazz, or blues classics, you name it. On the other hand, I also love things like Postmodern Jukebox, which do the reverse. (PMJ is fucking incredible)
For movies, Lucky # Slevin is the greatest movie of all time I will not entertain any disagreements.
For shows, I’m a gigantic anime nerd and really don’t watch a whole lot of live action TV anymore. I make an exception for the Star Wars shows, because it is a great time to be a Star Wars fan, and I’ll slog through the Marvel shows even if they’ve largely disappointed me (Loki being an obvious exception). My top anime is Re:Zero, because I enjoy suffering, followed pretty closely by Log Horizon (I have an isekai problem). Other favorites include My Dress Up Darling because it’s a magnificent blend of wholesome and raunchy, March Comes in Like a Lion because crying is good for you sometimes, 86 because, again, I enjoy suffering, and Demon Slayer because the animation is absolutely gorgeous. Really looking forward to the eventual animation of Kaiju No. 8 because that manga is amazing.
Is there any special story or significance to your gamertag?
It’s my name, actually! My given name roughly translates to either “young prince” or “little raven” depending on the dialect. Bonus fun fact: my full name translates to “crown prince of the willow keep” or “great raven of the willow keep”. Either way, “RavenKing”, “KingRaven”, and their various variants were already taken, so CorvianKing it was!
Let’s talk a bit about Destiny and Clan Truth specifically. When did you first start playing Destiny, and can you tell us about what drew you to the game?
My roommate had a PS3 which I regularly used for playing Dust 514, because I had a crippling EVE Online addiction, and she was participating in the first look alpha for Destiny, so I hopped on and gave it a try that weekend. Fell in love with it immediately, decided it was going to be my new game, and I’ve been playing obsessively ever since!
What is your favorite/primary class? Why?
This might come as a shock to some of you, but up until Dark Below I was actually a Warlock main. I don’t remember exactly what it was that made me switch to Titan in those days, though I will note that it was around the time that I met Banditt. Irregardless (my eye twitched seeing you write that), I haven’t looked back since. I’ll dabble on my Hunter and my Warlock now, but Titan just feels right. I could give a whole bunch of justifications for it, but at the end of the day it really just boils down to me feeling most comfortable on my Titan.
Who has the best jump?
Titan because it’s the one that lets you do a motherfuckin jetpack landing. All you haters just don’t have the skills necessary to do it right.
If you could remove any one weapon from the game, which one and why?
I know it’s controversial to say, but Chaperone.
If you could design an exotic weapon or armor, what would it be?
I’d like to see a stasis sword where the exotic perk would let you charge it up and when you released it would do a lunging dash that would create a freezing/slowing burst at the point of impact. The catalyst would extend the range of the dash and add a slowing “wake” effect. (I fully support this idea)
If you could date any character(s) from Destiny, who and why?
Amanda Holliday, just so I could take some of the ships she’s working on for joy rides. (Just the ships?)
What Destiny characters would you ship together that aren’t already?
Lady Efrideet and Eido. I will not be taking questions. (But I have so many!)
We’ve covered the standard questions, now let’s move on to learning more about the real Corvianking.
If you could establish some laws for Clan Truth, what would they be?
Top priority is making it illegal to not pay me my fees as the clan lawyer. (Shy said he was going to get it to you)
If you had to be stuck on a desert island with 3 people from the clan, who would you pick? Why?
Bandit, because she’d be able to help me if things got out of hand, Loki because I trust him to be able to hunt us up some food, and Pentad so we can ban him from the island.
Why are flamingoes your favorite bird?
They aren’t. (Narrator voice: they are)
If I committed tax fraud, but got away with it by shifting the blame to a coworker, is there any risk they could sue me??
Disclaimer time: I am a lawyer, not an attorney. I am not admitted to the professional practice of law in any jurisdiction, especially not your jurisdiction. Anything I say should not be taken as legal advice; I'm probably just being a troll. I use my law degree to shitpost 9 times out of 10. I do not represent you; I will never represent you, and any claims about representing the clan are made wholly for the purpose of humorously dispensing obviously ludicrous tomfoolery. Listening to me would be idiotic. Don't do it. Don't be an idiot. (So, they can’t sue me? Good to know. Thanks.)
If pay, work hours, etc., weren’t an issue, what would be your dream job?
Honestly, I’m very happy where I am right now, but I wouldn’t mind being able to ride my bike or DM D&D campaigns full-time.
How did you get into cycling?
Like most people, I was losing my mind in quarantine and since we still weren’t sure about how the shit spread, I figured any activity that got me outside but also made sure that I wouldn’t be near any given person for more than a second or two was probably a good one. I had my bike in storage, and a bike path right near my apartment, and there were basically no cars on the road, so I just decided to go for it. A few weeks later I’d ordered cycling kit, new pedals, and shoes, and that was that. Now I own two bikes and am about to order a third, with plans for a fourth in the near future. (Cue Queen’s Bicycle Race)
Where would you most like to cycle?
I’d struggle to pick a top choice, frankly. I’d really like to do a cycling tour of Ireland, but the Southern US is also a really great place just because of how flat it is, and a lot of those states have a surprising amount of bike infrastructure. Mallorca is also high on my list of places to visit eventually, just because it’s the dream destination for most cyclists, but it’s a lot of climbing which is absolutely not my strong suit.
Who do you think is the sexiest admin?
I haven’t been appointed as an admin yet, so your spot is secure for now. (HUZZAH)
Since birds aren’t real, are you really a king?
Off with your head.
Does it hurt to sit on a retainer day in and day out?
You get used to it.
What is the eeriest thing you have ever seen/encountered?
I’d love to tell a ghost story, because I have a disturbing number of those, but frankly the eeriest thing I’ve ever encountered was the remains of a deer in upstate NY that had clearly been very carefully, surgically even, opened up and then just left there otherwise intact. Quite literally stumbled over it in the field in the back of my grandmother’s farm the morning after an absolutely awful storm, during which my brother had tearfully woken my mother up insisting that there was someone out in the yard. Still creeps the piss outta me to this day. (Well, I’m not sleeping tonight)
Describe what you were like at age ten.
Insufferable. So same as now, just with less of a filter and substantially less swearing.
If you were handed $50,000 in cash and told it had to be used in the next 7 days to take a trip worth writing a book about, where would you go? What would you do?
$15,000 bike, a fuckload of chamois cream, fancy new kit, hotel reservations for one night every 60 miles, high performance ride fuel, and an emergency sat-phone. Circumnavigate the entire country through the contiguous states.
Who is the best character on Sesame Street? Defend your reasoning.
Bert because I strongly identify with him. Alternatively, Oscar for the same reason. (You are 100% Bert)
What is the best cookie?
Would you rather have a ZZ Top beard or Bob Marley dreads for the rest of your life? Assuming both are accepted in the workplace of course.
ZZ Top beard. I would not look good with dreads.
Does the answer change if the dreads are on your chain or the beard was on your scalp?
Dreads on my chain would make riding very difficult, so I’m going to say no it wouldn’t change my answer. (“Dreads on my chain” sounds like the title of a sex tape) (Also, typos make things funny)
If you could meet anyone in the world dead or alive, who would it be and why?
Henry Ford so I could shoot him in the knees. Twice.
Tell us two truths and two lies about yourself.
I have never flown. I have jumped off a 50’ foot cliff. I was kicked by a horse as a teenager. I have never broken a bone. (I believe three of these)
What made you laugh the hardest you’ve ever laughed in your life?
Oh wow, I actually have no idea. I’ve had a few moments where I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe but I genuinely couldn’t tell you what it was that made that happen.
Do you have any phobias?
I’m actually agoraphobic and thalassaphobic
Who would win in a fight, you or Geist?
There are no winners in that fight.
Why are you the way that you are?
I am this way because there is no other way that I could be. Aiat!
In all seriousness, can you tell us more about your love for corvids? What is your favorite type?
My love of corvids (crows and ravens specifically) is partly personal, partly cultural, and partly religious. Personal, because I had a crow buddy when I was a kid. I was home schooled and any time it was nice out I’d do my schoolwork on the back deck. There was a crow who would always come hang out and I’d share my snacks with him. Never got any shinies in return, but that’s fine. Ravens and crows are hugely important in old Irish traditions because they’re messengers of some of the more powerful gods, and they’re seen as guides with the power to see into the future and through the veil between worlds. There’s an old Gaelic proverb “Tá eagna i gceann an fhithigh” which means “there is wisdom in a raven’s head,” and seers were said to have a raven's wisdom. And then, religious-wise, names are extremely important in my belief system and mine marks me, rather clearly, as one of The Morrigan's people. The Morrigan is a trinary goddess closely associated with ravens and crows. In fact, one of her sister goddesses is the Badb Catha, Badb literally meaning "crow".
If you were a meal, what would you be?
Split pea soup. Hot, thick, and at my best when potatoes are involved. (Not to mention, a tendency to be a bit hammy)
Why haven’t you made me any pancakes yet?
They don’t ship well.
What’s the absolute worst kind of bird?
Man, fuck parrots. (Tried, now I’m banned from the zoo)
How did you and Shy become bestest friends?
We’re not. (Close enough)
What is your personal theory as to how Banditt lost her hand?
I could tell you, but I’d have to cut your hand off after.
Are you coming to Truth Con?
I’d certainly like to, but I’ve gotta save my vacation time up for that ride.
Have you ever dressed up as Dr. Robotnik? Why not?
I’ve strongly considered it, but ultimately decided I didn’t want to shave my beard for it. (Well, I guess now you can)
Can you represent me in a case? Don’t worry what it’s about.
Please see the above disclaimer. (So, yes?)
Is there anything else you would like to tell us about yourself that we haven’t covered yet?
I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.
Also, FT BEST T!